There seems to be a drive out there to conform, to be something that perhaps you cant or you shouldnt be. To be in a relationship, to do this, to do that. I know people who are married and have kids, others who have remarried and had more kids and I think and wonder should I not also be at that stage? Not necessarily be re-married and an army of kids, but am I falling behind my peers? friends, brother who have better jobs than me, have girlfriends/partners or moving in that direction… Life is it mine or is what others have planned for me.
Sometimes I wonder if I am at the mercy or benevolence of others, or am I left to my own devices to make rational choices that affect me. It is difficult to say, relationships are perhaps the perfect construct of this. How much should you define yourself, will that other person accept who you are, what you are? I am at the most part a t-totaller something that the majority of people I meet find to be adhorent. One particular girl even said to me that we couldnt have a relationship because I didn’t drink… yet it did’nt cross my mind that I couldn’t have a relationship with her because she was a vegetarian or that she liked and watched Eastenders. I think seeking to conform can be a grevious error, making decisions that make me happy and compliment my life is the better option for me personally. Everyone is different informed by their experiences, childhood, relationships and we all inherent view things differently. Some of course have a narrow plain of view because of this others are open to change and acceptance of others.
I like to be believe that I am enlightened and a so-called renaissance man, I might even get a few extra points for being a man and have read Fifty Shades of Grey! Yet I don’t know where I am suppose to fit into today’s society, perhaps it is enough that I exist in it and have people around the periphery, dare to let anyone in close unless they haven’t earn’t there place to be there. I am not sure people are better off with all this communication, observations and interconnectivity. People seem to look through people even more now, Hollow, they dont care about people so much, is it self-interest, is it age, is the media telling us what people should look like or that all people are rogues and not to be trusted. Again is it our choices are history/experience, looking at ourselves and what others have done to us, unknowingly or deliberately. Pain and emotional pain or even Love lost is perhaps the cause of not giving people a chance, because you wonder if their just as bad as those from your past. Comming to terms with betrayal, trust or having invested in others emotionally isnt easy, people don’t neccessary see you as you see them.
I saw a comment recently that someone had written about someone that I know on Facebook… It simply said ‘all men are dogs’ well I think women are probably just as bad, but some how it is the man’s fault and it isnt particularly a fair reflection on dogs either. I met quite a nice one on the way into work this morning. I am single and own a cat so I dont know what that says about me. , some people think it odd, yes I don’t drink and I own a cat, probably not the most attractive quality for a potential female suitor. Cats are not considered particularly male or macho (thats what a dog is for in some sections of British society), but that doesn’t change the fact that I love my furry friend more than most things in my life, I let her out and most the time at least she comes back, can the same be said of women or anyone for that matter?
Shit even more questions… for another day perhaps.